A Question of Ethics: Death in the Family

[guest]

I've been thinking about deaths in our sport, and the impact it has on all of us. I wrote these thoughts today, and I was wondering what other jumpers think.



Every time one of us goes in, those who remain face criticism and anger from almost the entire non-jumping world.

Worse, though is the criticism we face from the family and friends of our fallen companion. At the same time that we are mourning the loss of our friend, we have to deal with the accusations and rage of their family.

How could we avoid this emotional "second impact"?

I believe that each of us is morally obligated to explain ourselves, our sport, and our motivations to our families.

This is an extremely difficult proposition. Facing your family, and telling them that you have decided to pursue a life threatening hobby, cannot be easy. But the rewards of such a discussion are great, both for ourselves and our sport.

First, an honest, open discussion with your loved ones will make them feel included in your decisions. Your honesty and maturity in discussing this with them will help to show that you are making mature decisions, even if they are not the same choices your family would make. This can help avoid arguments, tantrums, and guilt that could be thrown at you by family and friends who do not understand.

Second, an honest consideration of your motives and decision may help you realize that you really don't have good reasons for jumping. That might save your life. Some people shouldn't be BASE jumping. That doesn't mean that they are somehow less worthy as people. It just means they should find something that suits them better.

Third, you may convert some of your family and friends into allies of the BASE cause. Leading family and friends to an understanding and appreciation of BASE may not lead immediately to legal changes, but it is certainly a step in the right direction.

Lastly, an explanation, by you, that you understand and accept the risks involved in BASE jumping, will help prevent your family from attacking your jumping partners in the event of your injury or death.

I believe that it is the responsibility of every BASE jumper to explain BASE to their family, to be certain their family understands the risks inherent to the sport, and to be absolutely sure that their family understands that they are taking those risks with their eyes open, and of their own free will.

--Tom Aiello
tbaiello@ucdavis.edu

[guest]

Hi Tom

I agree whole heartedly with your statement that each of us should inform our families and friends that we participate in the sport of BASE jumping. We should also endeavour to explain the technicalities of the sport and what our personal motivations are for doing it.

However, I DO NOT feel the need to have to validate the existance of my chosen sport and why I'm doing it. If you refer back to the old arguments of:
- how many people are killed due to drunk driving
- how many people die from cancers caused by cigarette smoking
- how many people die from rock fishing, etc.
- how many people die from heart conditions caused by shocking (fatty) diets. Especially in countries like the USA and Australia.

Not many people need explanations in these examples, yet they are major killers of our populations.

I disagree with your statement that BASE jumping is a dangerous sport (this comment will be controversial). The sport itself can be very safe IF THE PARTICIPANT MAKES THE RIGHT CHOICES TO MAKE IT SAFE. The only reason that there are accidents and fatalities in BASE jumping is that jumpers make POOR DECISIONS. We don't have freaky acts of God in this sport!!!! Yes, often we cannot explain what went wrong, but that is due to not being able to gather sufficient information. Poor decisions are due to factors such as:
- youthful exhuberance, ego, want to look cool, want to impress, saw it on TV, want to be famous, its rad dude, etc. There is a growing number of the "pepsi-max extremist" population going straight from TV land to participating in the sport. In the same way, many skydivers (mainly todays freeflyers) enter the sport without a disciplined attitude towards safety and a belief that nothing will go wrong AND that they'll deal with situations when they arise...
- poor knowledge development due to lack of interest or supposed lack of resources (considering modern technolgy, this is crap, EVERYONE has access to all the information they need).
- people are in too much of a hurry to perfect one skill at a time. THey see the expert jumpers performing impressive manouvres and they try to emulate those manouvres without emulating the training that has preceeded those jumps.

If you look at all the jumpers who never have accidents and all the jumpers who have accidents, you will notice that the injury free jumpers find it easy to SAY NO to a jump based on their well founded assessment of the jump in terms of:
- their current physical and mental health
- their equipment condition and configuration
- the surrounding environment (i.e is the site dangerous - underhung, no landing area,....)
- the weather.
- etc.

The people who have accidents are generally
- lesser experienced and choose to jump difficult sites beyond their technical ability and experience levels,
- they're knowledge levels are low (by choice) and hence they DO NOT KNOW how to accurately assess all the dangers involved in a particular jump
- often use equipment with the incorrect condition or configuration.
- don't have what I call a safe psychological profile. They don't know how to say no. They are more concerned about the immediate act of jumping than their own personal safety, etc.
- they are experienced jumpers who say " what the heck", I need to scare myself or I don't want to walk back.


As far as families are concerned, we should be VERY sympathetic to any family that loses one of their loved ones. If we can support them, that is even better.... I know, I come from a family that only has 3 kids remaining out of 7 (road accidents, etc - no BASE).

BUT, ultimately it is up to each individual to pursue their own passions and activities and MAKE THE RIGHT (or wrong) DECISIONS. I know a BASE fatality situation where not only immediate family members but their friends and members of the dysfunctional "family" we know as the BASE community, laid blame on the other jumpers for the fatality. Yet the individual who died made a conscious decision (despite protests from more experienced jumpers) to jump a difficult site.

Unless I have a direct impact on a jumpers safety (not offering constructive criticism, colliding with them whilst jumping, giving POOR TRAINING and advice, forsing them to jump, poor rigging, etc), I do not see why I should take any responsibility for another jumper having an accident. One of the reasons many of us BASE jump is due to personal freedom. By inference, that also implies a personal responsibility towards our own safety. If a person chooses to ignore safety and common sense, that is their decision, not mine. They are adults, they should be responsible. None of this diminished responsibility crap that is overcoming both the American and Australian societies....

If I ever die BASE jumping. I want people to learn from MY F _ _ K up. Not repeat that same mistake, drink lots of beer, kick some dirt over my bod, remember the good times, and have a laugh about me. I take responsibility in my own hands...... DO You? And does your family understand that YOU made the choice to jump???

[cygnus]

Interesting posting.

I feel that the logistics of managing the emotional "second impact" is a perception issue related to a jungle of emotions. That said, 'logistics' and 'emotions' always seem to disaggree in times where loss is an issue.

As much as one can prepare their family and friends by telling them how much something in their life means to them, if it is perceived to have killed them, then it becomes a clash of individual beliefs. I think it is hard for human behavior to not point fingers, when they themselves are unsure of what they believe motivates their own existance.

All in all, I agree with your thread whole heartedly in sharing your passion and ideas with your friends and family. And in the end, death may be a hard thing to swallow for everybody...unless you let the value of time mean what it was intended to mean.

Lifetime is treated a lot like money. Everybody wants more time for themselves, family and their friends, just like everybody would like to have more money, I am somewhat sure. The real success in handling 'life' is knowing that life was not a material in the first place... and no matter where it stops for you, your friends, and your family it was great to just feel it for 20, 30, or 80 years. The real question is ... are the people in your life content in what they have lived. I think that is most certainly the common thread to those who can feel grief but not point fingers in doing so.

I am with you Tom ... I would love the world to understand all different walks of life, including the world of BASE.

Cheers!
Kris

[guest]

Tom, i agree with you in principal. however, in my case my parents and brothers are stressed enough by knowing that i skydive. I can't imagin the stress it would put on them knowing that i've started BASE also. When i visit with family, I never even mention skydiving. Neither do they. Get my point?
Ray

[d-dog]

Great points, Tom. Also brings up a pet peeve of mine, so please indulge me for a moment.

Those of us who participate in high-risk sports make that decision voluntarily. We accept that risk. However, those close to us also bear that risk and they don't make the decision. However, there are degrees of closeness and they are relevant.

For example, I am separated from my wife and have four grown (step)children. My ex knows of my risky sports; we discussed it before we were married seven years ago. I told her - honestly - that I was very likely to die from one of my passions before I turn 60. That's simple, statistical truth. It does NOT mean I am careless or blase about death. It does mean that riding motorcycles and climbing and BASE jumping and scuba diving and generally drinking life from a firehose carries risks (though, as another poster points out, eating crap food and smoking and being a lazy ass like so many Americans is perhaps just as risky, if not more so).

But I felt a responsibility to discuss this with my soon-to-be spouse BEFORE we were married. Ergo, my kids know I push the edge and they know that someday I may be gone as a result. Admittedly, they did not decide to 'adopt' me as stepdad, but still they are part of my life and I feel part of my decisions. Had I not discussed this with my wife until after I married, I think this would have been very dishonest and unfair to her.

Now, I don't have young kids - by CHOICE. If I had fathered young kids, I would have to give up BASE and climbing and the motorcycle. Why? Kids need parents. If I died playing games and left my kids without a dad, that would be selfish and destructive. I choose to play risky games, but I ALSO choose not to have kids. They are related choices.

There is a well-known climber who did lots of very risky (and sometimes cool) things for years. We all knew he was going to crater eventually. He craved media attention and filmed lots of nasty stunts. I saw him solo a .12d thin route in 1989 that had seen only one ascent at the time. He thrutched up it, nearly popped again and again, and laughed the whole time. A bit psycho, but his choice.

A few years ago, he cratered while doing crazy rope jumps in Yosemite. No big surprise, and not a "tragedy" in the sense of an unexpected loss. Rather, I see it is a choice he made years ago. The grim reaper was invited over for dinner, and eventually he showed up. That's life.

What DOES piss me off is that he left a wife and two young daughters behind. That sucks. He also left them destitute, so much so that a charity fund was set up by climers to provide them with some means of support. That is a totally, totally crap-ass thing to do to your family.

Which brings me to my real point; if you play the edge, you MUST do two things for your loved ones. First, have a will. My will outlines how to handle my estate in gruesome detail, down to who takes care of which of my dogs, and how my horses are to be supported for the rest of their lives. It is nobody's responsibility but YOURS to leave your affairs in good order. Don't drop a pile of crap on your family.

Two, have LIFE INSURANCE. If your loved ones look to you for financial support, dying without insurance is a kick in the nuts to them. It is unconscionable. I carry a decent policy, though I tried to up it recently to a more reasonable figure and was turned down across the board for "lifestyle reasons." Insurance companies are scum.

Finally and most emphatically, if you choose to have young kids - to create life, be a man (or woman) and DO NOT PLAY DANGEROUS GAMES. Having kids is a CHOICE. If you have them, carry the responsibility. Don't leave your spouse (or society at large) to rear your kids when you go in having fun. That's lower than low, scumbag territory.

Sorry if this sounds absolutist and nasty, but raising kids is serious work. I raised stepkids and that was a wild, wonderful experience. Those who CHOOSE to have their own kids danmed well better make that choice and bear the consequences with a smile on their face. Kids are no accident, and no joke. And your kids are NOT just baggage for someone else to raise when you hit the deck.

Peace,

D-dog
ddog@wrinko.com

[guest]

amen!

[guest]

Umm....Dano had one daughter and was divorced. I personally knew Dano and spent more than one evening on a bridge girder discussing the risks we were taking. Please let him rest in peace. He was a visionary and pushed the limits further than imaginable. Dano made me realise that anything is possible if you take the time and prepare. His death in yosemite was caused by many factors and the odds of an accident happening to you and me aren't any less. I don't mean to insult you, and I'm not arguing with you. Let's just let Dano rest in peace and remember the truly awesome jumps we had.---Dex

[guest]

>Kids need parents. If I died playing games
>and left my kids without a dad, that
>would be selfish and destructive. I
>choose to play risky games, but I ALSO
>choose not to have kids. They are
>related choices.

>Kids are no accident, and no joke. And your kids are NOT just baggage for someone else to raise when you hit the deck.


Double amen.

[guest]

I'm recovering from a BASE accident right now. I have a couple of fractures. Not too serious. I was very was lucky! I spent a week letting my Mom look after me when I got out of hospital, so I had time to ponder this question.

Yes, BASE jumping is dangerous, you can die! But what I explained to my family is there are massively varying degrees of danger that you can choose to expose yourself to. If you only jump spans over 700 feet or over hung cliffs over 2000 feet you're in a pretty safe category. If you crave for ground rush and go for the lowest, most unforgiving objects and do the longest possible delay then you're in a different ball game. I've considered myself very conservative in what, and how I choose to jump, but on this occasion I decided to go for a low cliff with a reputation for being gnarly. I was getting over confident, I got hit, I've had a wake up call. I don't want to die and I don't want to cause that pain for my loved ones, but I want to keep BASE jumping. I belive I can continue to enjoy this sport without going beyond acceptable limits. I hear a little too much bravado about how close to death we all are, (that's going off the thread a bit, another discussion!). You can drive a Volvo and obey every traffic law or you can drive the hottest Jap bike and drive like a maniac! Both drivers can die as a result of their decision to drive. For the sake of your friends and family and for your own desire to stay alive you can choose to play safe and still have fun!

[guest]

A few thoughts on Tom's point (quoted below):

>I disagree with your statement that BASE jumping is a dangerous sport (this comment will be controversial). The sport itself can be very safe IF THE PARTICIPANT MAKES THE RIGHT CHOICES TO MAKE IT SAFE.

Some people will choose (eyes wide open, fully educated) to push the limit enough that the sport will not be safe.

This does not make them foolish. It means that they have a different level of risk aversion than the majority.

To push the limit like this takes dedication, training and knowledge. But at any level of training and skill, you can still push so far that the sport becomes unsafe. There is, in my view, nothing wrong with behaving in this manner.

We all know jumpers who could make every jump in perfect safety, by simply altering their level of risk tolerance. However, that is a choice to be made by them, not by us, the government, God or anybody else.

We each own ourselves, and are responsible for ourselves. We each make our own decisions, including decisions about what risks are acceptable.

--Tom Aiello
tbaiello@ucdavis.edu

[Yuri]

Yo !

>"The sport itself can be very safe IF THE PARTICIPANT MAKES THE RIGHT CHOICES TO MAKE IT SAFE"

I agree with both Tom A. and Tom B and would like to sum it up like this:

Twisted minds of psycho individuals involved in BASE jumping appear to convert an intense fear of this risk-taking activity into the pure pleasure that gets them high as a kite.

While we can never make anything in life ABSOLUTELY safe, the modern knowledge and technology allow us to reduce BASE jumping risks to the level that's unacceptable to many if not most jumpers. Thus they will intentionally and knowingly choose a higher level of risk that corresponds to their own idea of fun by "pushing the limits".

That's just the way it is.

bsbd!

Yuri.

[guest]

Hi Tom A

Here is some more controversy...

Yes, some people push the limits to ADVANCE the sport. Others, leave their brains behind and repeat the simple mistakes that have been made hundreds of times in the past. They think it is "cool" too.

To the pioneers, and creative individuals who push boundaries in a controlled, calculated, and correctly motivated manner, I take my hat off to you all.

To those who choose to repeat dumb, stupid mistakes because they are disinterested in learning before doing, you are not pushing boundaries. You are merely giving this sport a bad name by having NEEDLESS accidents, and increasing risks unecessarily.

People like Zoo, Eric B, Mark H, Yuri, Anne & Todd, Adam F, Dwain, Patrick de, Space ;), etc deserve admiration for their various contributions to BASE jumping. Modern day Ken and Barbie's don't (IMHO).

To all those characters out there, I love your work...

I'm gonna get off my fat ass and go jump.....

CYA

[guest]

This is often the way that we deal with this topic. Our family doesn't ask about it, and we don't mention it.

Is this a reasonable way of dealing with the situation?

As with most things, I think it depends. Here's what I think it depends on.

If you die jumping, will your family understand, or will they verbally, legally, or otherwise, attack your jumping mates?

If, in your best, and most honest, judgment, your family will be understanding, then I think the silent treatment is ok. But if they are going to create problems (possibly big problems) for your friends after your demise, then I still think you owe it to your jumping friends to talk to your family, no matter how difficult it will be for all of you.

So, like everything else in BASE (and life), it's a judgment call--I hope yours is good.

--Tom Aiello
tbaiello@ucdavis.edu

[guest]

>If you die jumping, will your family
>understand, or will they verbally,
>legally, or otherwise, attack your
>jumping mates?
>
>

friends and family are one thing but telling children is another thing. Telling them that you could die or be badly injured because of your chosen hobbies - not necessities like driving or walking across a street - is not fair to them. They cannot sue or blame anyone. They will just be left without a parent and will not think "well at least they died living their dreams"

[guest]

See D-Dogs comments below.

I think the issue of jumping with kids at home is a totally separate one (perhaps because I don't have any).

Perhaps we ought to start another thread if we want to discuss that?

--Tom Aiello
tbaiello@ucdavis.edu