Nik's final hours

[Karin]

Been a bit out of the loop over the past couple of weeks and am just now reading some of the wonderful things that have been said about Nik.

Being an extremely private person, I’ve debated over whether or not to share some of my own thoughts and reflections about Nik’s life and death. I am generally pretty guarded about my experiences and emotions, but in this particular case, and with this particular person, I think that sharing with others is appropriate and acceptable. Perhaps others may like to hear one person’s miscellaneous ramblings on Nik’s last days and moments.

Sunday, August 4th, Dwain and I had been in the Valley for a couple of days, and walked to Nik’s hotel to greet him upon his arrival to Lauterbrunnen. He was glowing after a week-long holiday in Paris with his girlfriend Adrienne. Talking a mile a minute, barely understandable - the Louvre, museums, walking miles, antique absinthe spoons, the Moulin Rouge, dinner with Seb & flying through the streets in Seb’s Porche, a building jump in Paris, and a big fat $1,400.00 dinner! Holy cow! He said that he’d had the best time of his life and was just thrilled at how much fun Adrienne had. He was alive and in true Nikolas form.

All of us jumpers met for lunch, and Nik and I had a brief conversation alone at a separate table (the only two smokers being banished to the corner of the outside deck). He asked me in muted tones my honest opinion of how difficult the hikes were, and I assured him that he was in fine shape for these hikes, to which he smiled in relief, and continued enjoying his cigarette. He went to make his first jump in the Valley, from La Mousse that afternoon.

Monday, August 5th, we all met for a fun load off of La Mousse, - this was his favorite (albeit only) jump in the Valley so far - he said he loved the long freefalls and that he didn’t want to do anything else while there. In usual form, Nik gave the female taxi driver a hard time and joked with her about “nudging her in the morning”. We all hiked, talked, laughed. Gearing up at the exit point, Nikolas said, “Karin!”, I turned my head in response, and he said, “Don’t look…”, as he peed about 3 feet from me. Typical. Coffee and conversation after the jump. Smiles all around.

Tuesday, August 6th, 8 of us met at the crack of dawn for a jump from Murren, or “The Noooose” as Nik kept saying over and over… and OVER again. Nik had made 4 jumps from La Mousse so far, and this was his first jump from another wall. Train ride in the morning mist. The hike - Nik and I brining up the rear as usual, talking and sloshing around in the mud. Arrived at the exit point, everyone was gearing up, Nik was trying to show everyone his “FBI” knickers that had shooting targets on them (his girlfriend Adrienne is an FBI Agent, and of course, Nik was just delighted at this). Everyone was geared up. Nik and I shared a cigarette, as we always did.

And then he said something amazing… “Let’s just sit here for a bit and take in the view….isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t that odd for me? You know how I usually am. But it’s just so smashing here…”, as he looked across the breathtaking Valley. For anyone who’s jumped with Nik, you understand why this is amazing -- he was ALWAYS the first one off of any jump. He absolutely hated hanging out at an exit point for too long - he just wanted off the darn object ASAP.

We queued up for exit. Nik was fourth to jump. It started to drizzle. He scrambled down to the exit point. Composed himself. Gave a good positive launch. A little head-down and cocked to the left, but looked OK. Couldn’t see anymore of the jump because the exit rolls over a bit.

Dwain, Anne, myself and Aussie Doug were still on top and got a radio call from Fast Al on the ground, “Somebody call an ambulance, Nik’s bounced big-time.” Time stopped. Life changed.


I suppose that I could search for some profound existential meaning in Nik’s death, but somehow, it all seems to come back to the fact that he’s just gone. And I miss him. He was a beautiful, passionate, wild, tortured soul, as so many geniuses are. He drove me nuts with his manic flurry of ups & downs, made me furious at times, made me smile at others, and melted me with his thoughtfulness and generosity. We were rivals and we were friends.

As much as I want him back, I truly do believe that we all have “Our Day” inked in the calendar of Life. And August 6th was Nik’s day. I feel blessed to have been there and to have shared those last few days with him. He was happy, he was healthy and he was smiling. And he went out fighting. The Valley setting was brilliant and befit him to a tee.

RISK and what it means… how my/our decisions affect the lives of others - their happiness, security and comfort. Is it worth it? I don’t know. It’s difficult to quantify and perhaps futile to reduce it all to that one question. But I do know that it sucks to bury a son, a brother, a friend, a lover.

It’s difficult to understand how something as beautiful and life-affirming as BASE jumping goes hand-in-hand with such loss and deep sorrow and pain. Maybe we’re all nuts to keep plugging away down this path.

But I guess the only way that any of us can exist and function in daily life is due in large part to the reasonable expectation that we will again see and touch those that we love and care about. And since there are no guarantees in this game, we are all obliged to go about our way and live our lives according to our own creeds. Nik definitely did this. No regrets and no apologies.

As Nik used to say, “It’s all about the smiles.”

[d-dog]

Thank you for opening up with these memories, Karin. It is tempting for all of us to turn inwards, to one degree or another, during a difficult time like this. For me, the pain of bringing memories to the surface is more than compensated for by the subtle lessons I keep taking away from our friend's life as I look back on his life and how he lived it, in the large ways and in the small.

Nik's death has sent waves of after-effects through so many places in the world. It would be dishonest to say that this is a "positive" thing. Even so, with some time having passed and many tears shed, perhaps there are some good things we can take away from this loss. I know Nik would have wanted us to do just that, take the good and discard the bad.

For the first time since the incident, I had BASE dreams last night. Nik was there (as were you and Dwain), and we were going to do a gondola jump. Everyone was excited; I woke before exit.

If I wasn't jumping, I would never have met and grown to know Nik. . . or Dwain. . . or Ray. . . or DJ. . . or you. . . or any of the dozens of wonderful people I've befriended in this crazy sport of ours. The price of admission is high, so high - but nothing good in life comes easy, and the most important lessons are always the ones that hurt most to learn.

Peace,

D-d0g
ddog@wrinko.com
www.wrinko.com

[guest]

Karin,

Thank you so much for your beautiful message. Like many of you, I've spent the last week absolutely stunned. I share some of the same feelings. Nik drove me nuts, made me furious, touched my heart, and made me laugh so hard I thought I'd pee my pants. My oldest son had the fortunate opportunity of meeting Nik a while back. He loves to recount a hilarious episode that he filmed of Nik (and the rest of us) torturing Slim on the exit plank at the Perrine. Of all the base jumpers I've known, Nik was the only one who consistently asked me about my boys every time we communicated. We commiserated about being "misunderstood" by people in general. He sent me this quote: "His life was like a book, the pages known to him by heart....while his friends could only read the cover."

I've been out of the "base" loop for quite some time now, and hadn't spoken to Nik in a while. But I miss him terribly just the same. He was a bright light in the sport, always taking the high road. "It's about me mates" he always use to say.

You mentioned that he took a moment to take in the view before his last jump. Makes me think of one of my favorite quotes:

"Life is not measured
by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments
that take our breath away"

Your message is comforting. I'm glad he spent his last hours with great friends.

~Sue

[Dwain]

Extract from the book "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran:

"You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies you silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."